Self

Are You Your Own Worst Bully?

Stupid question because you probably are

Photo by Dee @ Copper and Wild on Unsplash

Guilty as charged. No one bullies me like I bully myself. Frustration is recycled and directed at my own inabilities. I’ve done it all my life, but it doesn’t help that I can’t move very well right now as I’m waiting for a double hip replacement. So I berate myself into guilt, unworthiness, and sheer tear-inducing frustration. I’ve never felt so useless.

Logically, I need to accept that I just can’t do things I used to do with ease. Yet that doesn’t stop the old internal critic popping up to let me know that I am failing in my self-appointed duties. Judged and found wanting.

Most self-bullying is rooted in perfectionism. And perfectionism is usually formed in childhood, born from trauma and criticism by a parent, teacher, or carer.

Signs you are a self-bully

• You find it unacceptable to make a mistake. It nags at you for hours or even days.
• Guilt is the emotion you feel most often. And stress is the result.
• You regularly ‘overdo it.’ You struggle to finish a task even though nothing terrible will happen if you take a break or even give up altogether.
• Imperfection is anathema.